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Progressive Media, Music, Art and Events Blog Near near Salem, Oregon

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

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Written by gettheconcept

February 2, 2009 at 7:28 am

Posted in Humor

Getting tired of obselete flying saucers hiding in clouds.

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When I was a kid,  flying saucers scared me.shastasaucer

No longer.

Look.  Some guy, or alien flew over Mt. Shasta, again.

This UFO thing is getting old. Nobody hides in a cloud any more.

Don’t aliens know about cloaking devices  in Star Trek?

Hiding right over Mt. Shasta in a cloud.  How pasé.

So me and probably 29,000 cars ignored it all day long. Not a cloud in the sky except this one.

Very poor taste I tell you. Devils tower would have been better.

But no. Just hiding in a cloud.

I drove on.

Written by gettheconcept

January 28, 2009 at 5:47 am

Posted in Humor

I’ve Got the Blues for Ya Baby

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Somehow, although I wrote this a couple of days ago. Little did I know how prophetic it might be. This is sung to adairyskog standard 12 bar blues. The highest percentage of blue songs always start, “I woke up this morning.” I think that is hilarious. So mine does too:


I woke up this morning
And found that I was alone.
So I tried to send you a message
But you stole my cellphone

I got the blues for you baby
But I ain’t your door mat.
I got news for you baby.
I’m gone now. (Lady ) you can believe
that.

So I went to the credit union.
ATM to get a buck
Showed a zero balance…
I thought what the …..?
—- Problem is
I got the blues for you baby
But I ain’t your door mat.
I got news for you baby.
I’m gone now. (Lady ) you can believe
that.

Instrumental

Israel and Hamas
and the Capital of Iraq
And with this slow of economy
Our only hope is Obama, Barrack

I got the blues for you baby
But I ain’t your door mat.
I got news for you baby.
Lets hope for the best. Believe that.

I felt asleep at my computer
Trying to finish up my blog
Fell asleep only to wake up
To the teeth of a Dairy Skog

I got the blues for you baby
But I ain’t your door mat.
I got news for you baby.
Lets hope for the best. Believe that.

Written by gettheconcept

January 6, 2009 at 7:01 am

John Cleese on Sarah Palin « What’s Going On

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Here’s a video that brightened my day. John Cleese is so funny.

via John Cleese on Sarah Palin « What’s Going On

Written by gettheconcept

October 15, 2008 at 2:32 am

Posted in Humor

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Scary Questions in the Dark

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Staying in a hospital often is boring. You see the same nurses, doctors traipse through your room. They poke you with needles. They give you pills you know nothing about. They present you with strange devises and machines that measure things. Sometimes they hook you up to these devices in such a fashion thta your personal movement is inhibited by strange multicolored wires. But that’s fine. Machines don’t scare me.

But dumb nurses do.

Part of my hospital experience is sleeping. Well, rather attempting to sleep.

Part of the hospital structure is an assembly of busy body night nurses who feel the need to wake you up and do things to you every two hours. I’m not sure if its a job security thing. Maybe they are so horribly worried that I will kick the bucket, that stopping into my room will help. That is not scary. Everybody kicks the bucket. It’s just a matter of time.

What is scary is when you are sleeping the room is dark. At perhaps midnight, 2 or 4 a.m. a nurse will come in. She is alone. She turns on the small florescent light behind her so you only see her silhouette. She wears a badge you can’t read because its flipped over. You can’t tell if she is wearing a wig or not. That is scary. The first thing when she comes in the room she offers irrelevant questions and statements. She comes in and says, “You turned the light off”, expecting an answer. Truth is the lab people that were in just 30 seconds ago, took blood and turned if off. Then she says, “Your wife isn’t here yet.” This is not funny. Three or four people have suggested my wife was traveling from Salem. I called and verified with Terri that she wasn’t going anywhere. Perhaps being on the night crew she didn’t know of the change.

Then, “How did your treadmill test go?” My head head is spinning. “”There was no treadmill test. Was there supposed to be one?” No answer.

In a world where you no longer have control of what is happening to you, where and when you are going or show up to work on Monday….it’s actually not activities themselves that are stressful to cardiac patient.

It’s the questions.

You deal with them.

Then your bill comes. Oh well.

Written by gettheconcept

August 22, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Submarines & Fear of Fertilizer.

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Today CNN reported that “Water with trace amounts of radioactivity may have leaked for months from a U.S. Navy nuclear-powered submarine as it traveled around the Pacific to ports in Guam, Japan and Hawaii, Navy officials told CNN on Friday.”

“The total amount leaked while the sub was in port in Guam, Japan and Hawaii was less than a half of a microcurie (0.0000005 curies), or less than what is found in a 50-pound bag of lawn and garden fertilizer, the officials said.”

Who can we trust here? I discovered online that the SSN Houston was supposed to be decommissioned around the year 2000. How many bags doe is take to make a Nuclear Submarine?

This weeks science & math question: How many 50 lb. bags of fertilizer does is take to make a Nuclear Submarine?

Somebody in the goverment is sandbagging information away from the public.

Maybe it was cheaper just to sail the submarine to Japan and not worry the about it falling apart and having to absorb the cost of storing toxic waste? So how much will it cost the American public to float this thing back to San Diego?

We need to read between the lines I guess. CNN said the submarine may a have been leaking for months. How many 50 lbs bags for fertilizer radiation is that equivalent to over several months? Time to re-calculate. Something is missing here. News writers typically liken the amount radiation exposure to “so many hours of a ride in an airplane”, not a bag of fertilizer. Why the change?

Here’s a little know finding: according to the EPA Fertilizer is know to contain Uranium, plus decay product including Radium and Thorium

I can only believe that trace amounts of radiation going somewhere has to manifest some environmental impact.

Goverment Foul Up or Fertilizer?

Goverment Foul Up or Fear of Fertilizer?

Perhaps gardening with fertilizer qualifies as hazardous activity now? Corporations have historically used the word “trace” to minimize media response of quantities of toxic PCB’s in soil and nicotine presence in cigarettes. What does trace really mean? Reading the nutritional information on a bag of organic potato chips, an essential ingredient is often listed as “trace minerals sea salt.” Regardless of the amount, you can still taste trace sea salt. Do you want your grandchildren help you distribute trace radiation in the veggie garden? Want to eat a bag of potato chips that has submarine flavored sea salt? Something to think about anyway!

I’m going to be more careful when I’m in the garden now! My guess reason is they didn’t use the airplane trip analogy is because the truth is fertilizer may offer more radiation exposure than an airplane trip or an an Xray.

I think twice now before I plant my petunias, and eating organic sea salt potato chips. I think I’ll stick with Lays.

Coyotes in a Field of Dreams.

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On occasion when my office day lags for my break I will saunter into the Circulation Department at work, by stealth snipe a piece of chocolate from Claudia’s desk bowl and a get a laugh or two. Today’s diversionary conversations were largely about life’s disappointments such as her empty chocolates bowl, various uses of hard licorice, and eventually to what was growning on her farm.

“We have corn, seed and beans,” said Claudia.

“You are bona fide Farmers then! I don’t imagine the seed tastes very good though.” I said joking.

“We grow lawn seed.” she said.

“Hmm. Then you must be kind of like dentists with white teeth. You must have a perfect lawn!”

“No,” said Claudia. “Our lawn is a nightmare of weeds. Didn’t you know the cobbler’s children never have shoes?”

“Hmm. What a disappointment. I thought for sure a lawn seed farmer would have an immaculate personal lawn.”

“My husband is too busy to keep the lawn perfect, and right now, he would be just mowing the Dandelions.”

I grimaced in disappointment that I without a doubt will leave the office today without a helpful hint to keep my lawn more perfect than the neighbor’s across the street. We Oregonians are very proud of our lawns. It’s like war. An attitude that is healthy for the lawn fertilizer industry.

Time to change the subject in order to get another piece of licorice:

“Claudia, tell me about the your corn. Do you ever see baseball players in it?”

“No. I do go walking in the corn. No baseball players like the movie Field of Dreams. I did see some coyote droppings and a bunny.”

I thought to myself, maybe farming isn’t all its cracked up to be. Weeds, dandelions and coyote poop. I decided not to ask about the beans.

Written by gettheconcept

July 23, 2008 at 6:10 am

Posted in Humor

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